Tag Archives: Advice

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Happy New Year Everyone!

I hope you guys started the New Year off right, I know I did! I attended a black and gold themed house party with my homegirl and we had a great time! It was good seeing old high school friends and catching up, all while vibin to mix from the DJ. It’s always funny when you run into people from high school. Some look and act pretty much exactly the same, some people changed (that would be me), and some people got SUPA FINE (the DJ lol). I didn’t really do much dancin, just posted up with a drank in my hand and did a lot of head bobbin lol. Of course there’s always a little ratchetness that occurs at a house party but it’s all good. A girl seemed to be upset with someone and a fight almost happened. Crazy thing is the drama was happening right in front of me, but I couldn’t tell you who she was mad at for the life of me. I kept looking around but didn’t see anybody else as upset as her. Anywho like I said I had a good time and I look forward to joining everyone again next year.

 A new year for a lot of people is the beginning of a new journey. We start reflecting on the past year, preparing ourselves for change, and making New Year’s resolutions. My resolutions are usually the same as most peoples…let go of some things, lose weight so I can be summertime fine, be healthier, and just continue to strive to be a better person inside and out. But this year I want to go a little more in depth and be a little more specific so I decided that I’m going to do a vision board. It’s a great idea to help you stay motivated and stay on track of things. I’ve provided some example below that I found from pintrest if you’re interested in creating your own.

In my opinion there is nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself. Although I think change can be done at any time not just at the beginning of the year, I don’t criticize or judge people for making New Year’s resolutions. As much as I love social media it’s sad how many discouraging remarks I saw in regards to people wanting to change. There was one meme in particular that was circulating all over the internet. It symbolized a black woman wanting to leave all of her problems in the past and start brand new for the New Year. When I say people on Instagram can take somethin good and tear it to pieces smh, I mean they recreated the meme over and over again to be so negative. I just kept thinking I don’t see anything wrong with this picture and what’s really sad is it was the black men more than anybody that was tearing the sista down. Hey we gotta do better people…but when you know better, you do better. Peep the pics and video below…

 

P.S. Why did I receive a text from an Ex that I hadn’t talked to in over 3 months on New Year’s Eve? That’s what I’m NOT gonna do for the year 2015! Ain’t nobody got time fa dat!

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New Year’s Eve kiss
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Me and my girl Kescia
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Those drinks were good!

Inspiration for a vision board…

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Check Your Friends

I had some things on my mind so I had to write about it. Ok so here’s the scenario:

Fellas…Saaaay you’re hanging out with one of your friends and you’re having a conversation about how people always say you have all these “hoes” (excuse my language) but you disagree and you say you’re lookin for them. Now let’s say one of your homegirls walks up, overhears the convo and jumps in with the joke by saying she’s looking for all these guys people claim she has too. At this moment you’re friend insinuates that your homegirl is one of your hoes. It was almost like oh here goes one of these girls jockin you now.  How would you handle this situation? Would you…

  1. Ignore what just happened like you didn’t hear it and just hope the situation doesn’t get out of hand.
  2. Let them two as adults’ hash it out without you intervening. (and sit back with your popcorn)
  3. Apologize for your friend and change the subject.
  4. Say something to your friend and tell them that they need to chill or back off.

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A very similar situation happened to me recently and what my friend, whom I consider to be a close friend, did was completely ignore the situation as if it was no big deal. In fact he admitted that his friend is reckless with the way he talks to people. I have witnessed my seemingly non conflictive friend before, sometimes what looked like on purpose, bring this reckless talking friend into conversations to stir the pot a little or cause a little drama/controversy if you will. Maybe for the entertainment that came along with it IDK. But I was still a little disappointed in the way he handled the situation with me.

I guess I thought that all of the CONSISTENT times we spent talking, laughing, bonding, and getting to know one another over the past 4 months would make me a special friend in some sort of way. Maybe I took our friendship more serious than he did. I understand that you can’t control what another person says but you can show some sort of reaction to it, especially if it’s a little disrespectful to someone else you call a friend or care about. In my opinion the loyalty that you have toward the first friend should not stop you from telling them they were wrong about something. Friends should tell friends when they are wrong and if I was a real friend to him I think he should have told him to pump his brakes.

The whole thing just seemed childish to me and it made me sit back and reevaluate our friendship. It almost made me wonder if there was anything that was said to his friend that even made him come at me that way. He said that his friend does that to all of the girls that say something to him, but then I’m thinking, and you think this is ok?

You know how at first you may not have been that mad about something but the more you thought about it, the more upset you got? My initial reaction was correcting his friend, but then his friend seemed to want to play some more. So I withdrew myself from the situation. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was irritated or possibly get me even more upset. He seemed like the type of person that got a kick out of that. I don’t play around with disrespect and I’m totally over the days of arguing with people I don’t even know. The old me would have popped off.

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IDK…The way that I am, if I feel like a friendship or any type of relationship is unbalanced, I lessen the amount of time I give to that person.

I would like to hear your thoughts on this. Also ladies if the script was flipped, would you check your friend?

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Platonic Friends…Or Nah?

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So there’s this guy that I have a major crush on (that I’m probably spending way too much energy on but that’s neither here nor there) and he has a female best friend. This guy and I talk every now and then, he seems to be interested in me as well, and we follow each other on social media.  I’ve noticed on several occasions his best friend flirting with him which kinda annoys me and it makes me have a raised eyebrow as to whether he’s telling the truth about their friendship. He seems like a genuine guy and the flirting doesn’t seem reciprocated but they both seem to show each other a lot of attention. Some of the flirting is a tad bit sexual and I think people on the outside looking in would have the perception that they are more than friends. She actually posted one of those “this could be us” memes and tagged him in it.

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The reason it’s a little hard for me to understand this friendship of theirs is because I have a best friend of the opposite sex as well. I know everyone is different and everyone doesn’t do things the way that I do but my best friend and I don’t flirt with each other AT ALL. And here’s the kicker, we used to date 8 years ago but once we split up we continued to be friends and only that. Never dipped back in it for old times’ sake or said anything out of line to each other. Once I friend zone someone I really mean it. The only thing you’ll get out of me is an occasional casual compliment. Something on the lines of “you look nice today” or “you smell really good”.  Other than that I’m not talking about sexual things with my male friends unless it’s to maybe get advice for someone I’m dating. I won’t even joke around like that. If I do, then that person is actually more than just a friend to me.

The struggle is the fact that this guy and I aren’t really dating, we just like each other. But this friend is a major turn off and makes me not want to pursue anything with him in the future. At the same time I know it’s the internet and some people may say “oh it’s not that serious girl”. Plus, I don’t wanna be the new chick coming in trying to mess up a friendship, so of course I’ve chosen to keep my lips sealed. Some people can also take that as a sign of insecurity, which is not the impression I want to give.

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So readers I wanna ask you, does this sound like someone who is just a friend? Am I reading too much into it? And how do you deal with flirtatious friends?

 

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Should old flames stay in the past?



Recently an old flame contacted me and asked me out on a date…

Back-story:

The last time we dated was about a year ago and I had came to the conclusion then that he wasn’t ready for a commitment. We were dating for about 3 months and depending on the amount of time spend with a person (for us it was a lot), by then you should know whether or not you want to take it to the next level to being in a relationship. He wasn’t a bad boy or thug and was a gentleman but it just felt like he wasn’t ready. We had a couple quarrels about communication and consideration, which is a big deal to me, and I think that made him pump the breaks. But I am the type of person that an argument won’t stop me from pursuing a relationship, I’m optimistic that you can work things out and move forward. I can admit my wrong in some of the things I did as far as my reaction to things that he did. I didn’t handle my emotions in the most mature way. The arguments/disagreements became more frequent and he was the kind of guy who avoided conflict and to me that wasn’t solving the issues. He was the type to get mad and not want to talk for days and I was the type, depending on the severity of the argument, who wanted to address it the next day. Overall I felt like he seemed like a good dude that had a good head on his shoulders but sometimes I questioned whether he had someone else he was talking to too. Whenever we go into it there wasn’t much effort put forth on his part to fix things. We did live about an hour away from each other too. We went out on several dates and spent significant time chillin at the crib with each other as well. We had both grown comfortable with each other but the constant butting of heads ultimately ended things for us…He tried to explain that he had personal issues and stress that affected how he handled things with us but that wasn’t enough for me. I moved on and stopped responding to his text and phone calls. I was very disappointed in the way things turned out with us because I really thought it looked like a promising relationship because we had a lot in common.

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Flash Forward:

I hadn’t talked to him in a couple months when he contacted me to go out on a date. Every time he reached out I would pretty much give him the cold shoulder. But this time I guess I was in a good mood and said what the heck and went out on the date with him. He came and picked me up and we went to Dave and Busters and then afterwards we went out to eat and sat on the patio and talked for awhile. After that we came back to my place, watched tv, and once he started getting sleepy he gave me a kiss goodnight and made his way home. He was affectionate the whole time while I was still a bit stand offish. I had a good time but I’m still guarded in my approach to the situation. We’ve talked a lot on the phone since then and even apologized for things in the past. He stated that he wants to move forward and hopes that we can build and grow into something. I’ve been going with the flow but in the back of my mind I’m wondering is it worth the time. Thinking long term, eventually I will be moving back east to be closer to my mother. So is starting a relationship with someone right now the right thing to do, especially if I know they won’t move with me? And two will we have a repeat of last year? 

So…Should old flames stay in the past?

Update: Kicked that boy to the curb lol

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